The Season of Substance - Guest Blogger - Bonnie Jean Feldkamp

“In the grand scheme of things, you’re only pretty for a second. So, you’d better back it up with something.” That’s what I tell my daughters in attempts to keep their vanity in check. I’m currently living in that transitional stage - going from beauty to what I’ve backed it up with. I’m thirty-nine-years-old. Vanity is a tough fight and physical beauty, in the way that our youth-valued society defines it, is an easy distraction. Girls forget that they should be learning, discovering their passions and honing their emotional intellect.

I believe that substance trumps all, but I also adjust my posture and check the camera view before I click the green button when my husband FaceTime’s me from the road. I want the sight of me to make him smile. I know that just to look at him, does it for me. Every crevice in his face reminds me of our path together - his wit and invaluable support. Does he love my deep grooves and capped smile? Will I still hold his attention in ten years? He would view my self-doubt as not having any faith in him. “I can’t wait until you’re a silver fox,” he’d say.

The conviction to age gracefully and actually watching age tug at me are two different things. As the mother of two teenage daughters though, I have to confront these feelings and know where I stand if I truly want to be their living example. That’s not an easy feat when vanity creeps in from every crack and corner. Makeup to conceal, push ups to strengthen, and push-up bras to keep it all in proper place - those are our culture’s expectations.

I don’t believe it has to be all or nothing. I wear makeup when I want to. Just because I encourage my kids to focus on their character doesn’t mean I forbid them to enjoy their beauty. All points on the spectrum are worth celebrating. My girls enjoy a day in heels and the persona that makeup can enhance. But it can’t be their source of self worth.

Hard work and commitment to character are much more important than the color-coordination of one’s wardrobe and the smooch-ability of cherry-blast lip balm. The constant judgment surrounding a superficial value system rely on desperate attempts to cling to an ideal that that cannot be sustained.

As a child, I lived across the street from my aunt. I spent equal parts of my time in both houses, playing with my cousins. Once, I had to pee while my aunt was in the bath. It was a one-bathroom home and I was young, maybe five. No shower meant no shower curtain. My feet dangled from my seat, not touching the floor, and I watched her bathe.

Her heavy breasts lay on her belly. She lifted each one to wash underneath. I was shocked by the size of them and couldn’t imagine growing breasts so large that I would have to lift them up to wash what was beneath. I hoped that such a deformity would never happen to me. But after thirty-nine years of gravity and two years of breast-feeding, it is me.

In the morning, I stand braless in my bathrobe and pack lunches for my daughters. I recognize their bewildered and worrisome looks. Is this what they have to look forward to? My breasts rest above the rope that ties my robe closed. I’m sure they wonder if the rope line is the only thing keeping them above my waist.

It happens to all of us, in one way or another. Yet, to point out a woman’s age or that she looks old is considered taboo or an insult. Some women will fight it to expensive, delusional ends. I’ve decided to look forward to being an old lady. It sure beats the alternative. Nobody wins the battle against age. It’s our one collective destiny. The only way to cheat age is to die young.

Did I always have this conviction? No. It took me having two daughters. I want everyone to see them as I see them and I expect my daughters to understand that they decide how they will live their lives. In the end, it all comes down to life experiences. Why spend too much of that precious time fretting in front of a mirror? When instead, we can make meaningful memories and connections. This means that I have to see it within myself, challenge the vain mindset and reject the marketing that tells me I’m not good enough... young enough… pretty enough.

Do my girls love me because they think I’m attractive? No. But, vanity is a hard fight that I don’t always win. I have to continue to challenge society's expectations of me. My focus is to cultivate my talents, underscore my character, and to fall into life’s season of substance - gracefully.

Muffin Top Reviews The Oscars

All of us on Team Muffin Top could barely contain our excitement about how much of this years Oscars seemed SO on one of the themes of our wildly successful Kickstarter campaign, namely to PUT CHICKS BACK IN FLICKS!  

We swooned when Best Actress winner Cate Blanchett challenged Hollywood to create films for and about the 51% of theater ticket buyers worldwide who happen to be women. Because we also have a racially diverse cast, we were excited to see winners of color as actors, writers and filmmakers.  

Cate Blanchett

Bruce and I named our production company Surprise Hit Films because we will ALWAYS make movies that have a racially diverse cast, and that have a gender split that is the same as the world.  

As Miss Blanchett noted, "The world is round, people."  

Ellen Degeneres

But another issue came up, partly because of the witty observation of the female host (yay!) Ellen Degeneres on the emphasis in Hollywood on youth.  There were many snarky and downright cruel articles critiquing the plastic surgery of Kim Novak.

Kim Novak

As our film deals with a woman who is afraid of aging, and undertakes a plastic surgery that has...well, let's just say, "consequences," this topic is very much on our radar as filmmakers.  

Many people were praising Sally Field and Meryl Streep for aging, "naturally."  I would say to that, I guess it depends on what your definition of natural is. I would guess that Sally and Meryl have had work, just tasteful (in my opinion). All actors must deal with their appearance, it is part of our jobs. There is an enormous double standard. Men of middle age are still sexy with grey hair and no "work." Women are held to a different standard. 

Sally Field

Meryl Streep

As someone who had a reconstructive plastic surgery on my eyes at age 19 due to damage from the auto-immune disorder Graves disease, I know how plastic surgery can change how someone approaches the world, for the better. I see how rhinoplasty changed the confidence level of a young woman who is very dear to me. 

My dear friend Marcia Wallace, who stars in  Muffin Top plays herself in the film  (it was her last role, sadly) and talks about her actual real life neck lift, which made her very, very happy. She was excited to talk about her real life enthusiasm for having had the procedure. Do I wish the world didn't judge on appearances, oh yes, my yes. I think that when people say, "plastic surgery isn't feminist," they are creating a new way of trying to control women's choices around their bodies. To me, feminism means I get to decide what happens to my body, period. 

But fashion choices (permanent or impermanent) are going to be judged, and even more so if you make your living having people film you. I color my hair, I devote an enormous amount of time to fitness, partly because of where I live and what I do, but partly because I like it. I genuinely like makeup and clothes and hairdos.

I think the key is to hope that every woman gets to make her own choices and be happy about it, as it's her visual statement. I think that those who make a living shaming others for their looks, whether it's advertisers who create images no one can live up to, or critics who get followers for being cruel, need to face up to the consequences of their content. I used to write for the Fashion Police in US Magazine, and I quit because I realized I felt terrible about it. It's part of why I so wanted to make this film. 

But being a public figure means you are going to be...public. What I wish is that Kim Novak would say to them, "I love my looks and anyone who doesn't can suck it." That's what Jennifer Lawrence has said to those her criticize her 23 year old figure as "fat." No lie. She has rather famously said, "In Hollywood, I'm obese." And she says that if people don't like her looks, she doesn't care. The fact that she's a gorgeous 23 year old and needs to answer critics about her looks tells you all you need to know about how insanely out of balance the shaming beauty culture of perfection has become.

Muffin Top Update!

Well I’m thrilled to say that the film is in final film finishing, color correction and all of the final stages of the process.  It’s so exciting and the movie is looking and sounding gorgeous.

We are also in the final stages of deciding on which cities will be on the tour this June.  Look for an announcement from us here, and on Facebook, next week.

Meanwhile, the Muffin Top Revolution is already happening.  Every day, the conversation is growing among women who joyfully reject shame based beauty advertising, and ideals of beauty that are unrealistic for all of us.

Movie star Jennifer Lawrence recently said, when discussing the crazy beauty ideals in Hollywood, “In Hollywood, I’m obese.”

And this new Muffin Top rap video from our Facebook friend Erin Keany has gone viral, was featured on The Today Show and on the Huffington Post!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JuJHGeuaf4

It’s hilarious and we love it.  More than anything, we love that people are already responding to the message of our movie: “Beauty Is Not An Age, Size or Color.”

If you love yourself, true love will follow.

Cathryn