The Season of Substance - Guest Blogger - Bonnie Jean Feldkamp

“In the grand scheme of things, you’re only pretty for a second. So, you’d better back it up with something.” That’s what I tell my daughters in attempts to keep their vanity in check. I’m currently living in that transitional stage - going from beauty to what I’ve backed it up with. I’m thirty-nine-years-old. Vanity is a tough fight and physical beauty, in the way that our youth-valued society defines it, is an easy distraction. Girls forget that they should be learning, discovering their passions and honing their emotional intellect.

I believe that substance trumps all, but I also adjust my posture and check the camera view before I click the green button when my husband FaceTime’s me from the road. I want the sight of me to make him smile. I know that just to look at him, does it for me. Every crevice in his face reminds me of our path together - his wit and invaluable support. Does he love my deep grooves and capped smile? Will I still hold his attention in ten years? He would view my self-doubt as not having any faith in him. “I can’t wait until you’re a silver fox,” he’d say.

The conviction to age gracefully and actually watching age tug at me are two different things. As the mother of two teenage daughters though, I have to confront these feelings and know where I stand if I truly want to be their living example. That’s not an easy feat when vanity creeps in from every crack and corner. Makeup to conceal, push ups to strengthen, and push-up bras to keep it all in proper place - those are our culture’s expectations.

I don’t believe it has to be all or nothing. I wear makeup when I want to. Just because I encourage my kids to focus on their character doesn’t mean I forbid them to enjoy their beauty. All points on the spectrum are worth celebrating. My girls enjoy a day in heels and the persona that makeup can enhance. But it can’t be their source of self worth.

Hard work and commitment to character are much more important than the color-coordination of one’s wardrobe and the smooch-ability of cherry-blast lip balm. The constant judgment surrounding a superficial value system rely on desperate attempts to cling to an ideal that that cannot be sustained.

As a child, I lived across the street from my aunt. I spent equal parts of my time in both houses, playing with my cousins. Once, I had to pee while my aunt was in the bath. It was a one-bathroom home and I was young, maybe five. No shower meant no shower curtain. My feet dangled from my seat, not touching the floor, and I watched her bathe.

Her heavy breasts lay on her belly. She lifted each one to wash underneath. I was shocked by the size of them and couldn’t imagine growing breasts so large that I would have to lift them up to wash what was beneath. I hoped that such a deformity would never happen to me. But after thirty-nine years of gravity and two years of breast-feeding, it is me.

In the morning, I stand braless in my bathrobe and pack lunches for my daughters. I recognize their bewildered and worrisome looks. Is this what they have to look forward to? My breasts rest above the rope that ties my robe closed. I’m sure they wonder if the rope line is the only thing keeping them above my waist.

It happens to all of us, in one way or another. Yet, to point out a woman’s age or that she looks old is considered taboo or an insult. Some women will fight it to expensive, delusional ends. I’ve decided to look forward to being an old lady. It sure beats the alternative. Nobody wins the battle against age. It’s our one collective destiny. The only way to cheat age is to die young.

Did I always have this conviction? No. It took me having two daughters. I want everyone to see them as I see them and I expect my daughters to understand that they decide how they will live their lives. In the end, it all comes down to life experiences. Why spend too much of that precious time fretting in front of a mirror? When instead, we can make meaningful memories and connections. This means that I have to see it within myself, challenge the vain mindset and reject the marketing that tells me I’m not good enough... young enough… pretty enough.

Do my girls love me because they think I’m attractive? No. But, vanity is a hard fight that I don’t always win. I have to continue to challenge society's expectations of me. My focus is to cultivate my talents, underscore my character, and to fall into life’s season of substance - gracefully.

Muffin Top Reviews The Oscars

All of us on Team Muffin Top could barely contain our excitement about how much of this years Oscars seemed SO on one of the themes of our wildly successful Kickstarter campaign, namely to PUT CHICKS BACK IN FLICKS!  

We swooned when Best Actress winner Cate Blanchett challenged Hollywood to create films for and about the 51% of theater ticket buyers worldwide who happen to be women. Because we also have a racially diverse cast, we were excited to see winners of color as actors, writers and filmmakers.  

Cate Blanchett

Bruce and I named our production company Surprise Hit Films because we will ALWAYS make movies that have a racially diverse cast, and that have a gender split that is the same as the world.  

As Miss Blanchett noted, "The world is round, people."  

Ellen Degeneres

But another issue came up, partly because of the witty observation of the female host (yay!) Ellen Degeneres on the emphasis in Hollywood on youth.  There were many snarky and downright cruel articles critiquing the plastic surgery of Kim Novak.

Kim Novak

As our film deals with a woman who is afraid of aging, and undertakes a plastic surgery that has...well, let's just say, "consequences," this topic is very much on our radar as filmmakers.  

Many people were praising Sally Field and Meryl Streep for aging, "naturally."  I would say to that, I guess it depends on what your definition of natural is. I would guess that Sally and Meryl have had work, just tasteful (in my opinion). All actors must deal with their appearance, it is part of our jobs. There is an enormous double standard. Men of middle age are still sexy with grey hair and no "work." Women are held to a different standard. 

Sally Field

Meryl Streep

As someone who had a reconstructive plastic surgery on my eyes at age 19 due to damage from the auto-immune disorder Graves disease, I know how plastic surgery can change how someone approaches the world, for the better. I see how rhinoplasty changed the confidence level of a young woman who is very dear to me. 

My dear friend Marcia Wallace, who stars in  Muffin Top plays herself in the film  (it was her last role, sadly) and talks about her actual real life neck lift, which made her very, very happy. She was excited to talk about her real life enthusiasm for having had the procedure. Do I wish the world didn't judge on appearances, oh yes, my yes. I think that when people say, "plastic surgery isn't feminist," they are creating a new way of trying to control women's choices around their bodies. To me, feminism means I get to decide what happens to my body, period. 

But fashion choices (permanent or impermanent) are going to be judged, and even more so if you make your living having people film you. I color my hair, I devote an enormous amount of time to fitness, partly because of where I live and what I do, but partly because I like it. I genuinely like makeup and clothes and hairdos.

I think the key is to hope that every woman gets to make her own choices and be happy about it, as it's her visual statement. I think that those who make a living shaming others for their looks, whether it's advertisers who create images no one can live up to, or critics who get followers for being cruel, need to face up to the consequences of their content. I used to write for the Fashion Police in US Magazine, and I quit because I realized I felt terrible about it. It's part of why I so wanted to make this film. 

But being a public figure means you are going to be...public. What I wish is that Kim Novak would say to them, "I love my looks and anyone who doesn't can suck it." That's what Jennifer Lawrence has said to those her criticize her 23 year old figure as "fat." No lie. She has rather famously said, "In Hollywood, I'm obese." And she says that if people don't like her looks, she doesn't care. The fact that she's a gorgeous 23 year old and needs to answer critics about her looks tells you all you need to know about how insanely out of balance the shaming beauty culture of perfection has become.

Muffin Top Update!

Well I’m thrilled to say that the film is in final film finishing, color correction and all of the final stages of the process.  It’s so exciting and the movie is looking and sounding gorgeous.

We are also in the final stages of deciding on which cities will be on the tour this June.  Look for an announcement from us here, and on Facebook, next week.

Meanwhile, the Muffin Top Revolution is already happening.  Every day, the conversation is growing among women who joyfully reject shame based beauty advertising, and ideals of beauty that are unrealistic for all of us.

Movie star Jennifer Lawrence recently said, when discussing the crazy beauty ideals in Hollywood, “In Hollywood, I’m obese.”

And this new Muffin Top rap video from our Facebook friend Erin Keany has gone viral, was featured on The Today Show and on the Huffington Post!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JuJHGeuaf4

It’s hilarious and we love it.  More than anything, we love that people are already responding to the message of our movie: “Beauty Is Not An Age, Size or Color.”

If you love yourself, true love will follow.

Cathryn

Special Postpartum Q&A by Bruce!

Now that we’re Fully Funded (yay!) here are some questions answered by Bruce.

Q: You’re calling this the “postpartum” Q&A, but you’ve never given birth. Isn’t that insensitive?

A: Oh. Um, I just meant it as a joke.

Q: So motherhood is nothing to you but a joke? What about patriotism? Do you care about nothing but yourself?

A: I sort of feel like we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, here.
Q: This is obviously nothing but an opportunity for you to brag about yourself.

A: No, look, that’s not right! The only reason we’ve reached our goal and are now post, uh, post-something, is because of literally hundreds of other people—under the rules of Kickstarter, we’re not allowed to contribute to our own campaign. It took our beloved friends and relatives. It took people who care about women being eliminated from important functions in the entertainment business. It took parents who despise the fact that their daughters are growing up in a culture that treats any woman who is anything but thin and flawless as some sort of failure. If not for them, none of this could have happened.

Q: So now what? I suppose you’re just going to sit around congratulating yourself for a couple of weeks.

A: No, not at all. We still have around 24 hours left to go in this campaign.

Q: What’s the point? You got what you wanted and now you’ll just get dressed and leave and never call.

A: Okay, I guess I understand where you’re coming from. But just consider: part of our challenge now is to decide where we’re going to go on our red carpet premiere tour! New York and Kansas City both met the challenge of raising $ 5,000, so they’re promised a visit. Traverse City, Michigan, is almost there with $ 3,650 raised. But now it is more about the votes than the money. If we get a pledge of a dollar from, say, Phoenix, that’s a “vote” for Phoenix. So if you want the red carpet premiere tour to show up in YOUR town, get all your friends to pledge a buck! (I mention Phoenix because there is a “team Phoenix.” They’ve raised 20% of their goal and are presumably very tanned.)

Q: I’d pay a dollar just to never have to listen to you again.

A: When this is all over, we’re going to ask the question, “where did the most pledges come from?” Kickstarter is a way for people to vote for the kind of entertainment they want. Clearly if Little Rock is represented by a hundred $ 1.00 pledges, that’s a hundred people who want us in Little Rock!

Q: Cute, very cute, math-boy, but it still doesn’t explain why people should pledge more than a dollar!

A: Oh! Because we still have a lot of cool rewards left. Like the signed and personalized DVD combined with a first edition of The Dogs of Christmas: great gifts! Or get yourself invited to the premiere cast party, or get a signed movie poster. If you want to increase your pledge, you can do so with a click of the “manage my pledge” button.

Q: What are you going to do with the extra money, buy yourself some pork rinds and sit on the couch yelling for me to bring you a beer?

A: The more we raise, the more cities we can visit on the tour! We’re already looking at adding Memphis, Phoenix, and perhaps a couple places in Florida. Traverse City might still get the votes. We want to do real Hollywood-style red carpet premieres in places that aren’t Hollywood!

Q: It wouldn’t hurt you do to a few sit-ups.

A: Thanks for all the great questions!

Click HERE for the Kickstarter!

Muffin Top Supporter Submissions

What we are really excited about is that people are starting to create their own content for our campaign. Scroll down to check out the cartoon by our Muffin Top supporter Adam!

 

 

IN MEMORIUM: MARCIA WALLACE, COMEDY ICON, ADVOCATE FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH AND SELF-ESTEEM, FRIEND

 

I wanted to believe Marcia Wallace would live forever. She was, as she always said, “full of life force!” She was a comedy legend, an icon, I know this, because her iconic status often earned us many interruptions during dinner out--even in a place like Los Angeles, where you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a famous person.

She was one of my biggest cheerleaders, and always told me I was “good at everything."  I’d love to believe such lavish praise was unique to me, but I have a sneaking suspicion that’s what she told everyone she loved.

(Our tenth, and as it turned out last, summer gathering in Marcia’s box at the Hollywood bowl, where adoring fans would always stop by. Marcia Wallace, Julie Cypher-Hale, Cathryn Michon and Norma Vela.)

Marcia encouraged me to direct Muffin Top: A Love Story (my first feature film). It is an adaptation, written by my husband W. Bruce Cameron and me, of my bestselling novel, which she also loved (you don't have to take my word for that one, you can read her Amazon review).

Marcia, who was both fearless and insecure, worried she wasn't good enough in the movie because of her many health issues. The last time we spoke, she was really happy to learn she was in the trailer for the movie, because she knew that I am ruthless in the editing room and that I wouldn't put her in the film’s trailer if she didn't nail the moment.

Of course she nailed it.

She was really excited by all of our plans to take this film on a Girls' Night Out Red Carpet Premiere Tour to promote PUT CHICKS BACK IN FLICKS.  She was intrigued by the possibilities of Kickstarter but nervous it wouldn’t work.  Mostly she was excited because I told her that her son Michael Hawley (who plays her son in the film) gives an amazing performance, and she couldn't wait for people to see that. I think he’s going to be a big star.

Just like his mom.

(Marcia and Mikey, on Halloween, he’s playing a scary pirate.)

Marcia would never call herself a star. In fact, she often jokingly referred to herself as a “semi-name,” her way of turning a cruel remark someone made about her into something funny, but she was wrong about that. 

She was a star, in life and in show business.

(Marcia Wallace and her son Michael Hawley, from the body image rom com Muffin Top: A Love Story. It was their first time starring in a feature film together.)

Since her passing, I’ve been lost in grief, I even briefly questioned whether we should cancel this Kickstarter campaign, the whole idea of the red carpet tour where we would personally take the film, her last, to the sort of small towns she and I both came from (Creston, Iowa in her case; Roseville, Minnesota in mine). I worried it would seem distasteful to raise money to support this project even as we all mourn her death.

On the other hand, if I canceled the campaign, I would be a quitter.  Which is something Marcia wasn’t—and wouldn’t stand for.

The title of her hilarious and heartbreaking memoir sums up her life philosophy very neatly, Don’t Look Back, We’re Not Going That Way.

(The book’s subtitle is: “How I overcame a rocky childhood, a nervous breakdown, breast cancer, widowhood, fat, fire and menopausal motherhood and still managed to count my lucky chickens.”)

Our Kickstarter campaign is not about launching a movie, it’s about launching a movement. We will use our rom com about female body image, which has more women in front of and behind the camera than any film of the last three years, to draw media attention to the fact that there are fewer women working onscreen in film than ever before. This was an important issue to Marcia, and was the reason she served for so many years on the Women’s Committee of the Screen Actors Guild. She was eager to join with the rest of our cast to speak about the importance of seeing women on screen, telling women’s stories.

Marcia loved our campaign's slogan, PUT CHICKS BACK IN FLICKS.  The logline of our film, “Love the skin you’re in.” had deep resonance for her, as she (like most women I know) had struggles with her self-image about her weight. In her book she talked about arriving in New York as an aspiring actress and feeling overweight, “I weighed 230 pounds and I had $150 in the bank. When people ask me, 'How do you break into show business?' I say, 'Well, first of all, your ready cash should at least equal your weight.'"

(Tony Winner Marissa Jaret Winokur (Hairspray) Three Time Emmy Nominee Dot Marie Jones (Glee) Emmy Winner Marcia Wallace (The Simpsons) and Cathryn Michon in a scene from Muffin Top: A Love Story)

(Michael Hawley and Cathryn Michon in Muffin Top: A Love Story)

So, because Marcia, the ultimate survivor, always urged people to go forward, I’m going forward with this Kickstarter campaign that she was both excited, and nervous about.  As I said in my blurb on the back cover of her book, “She is my hero and my role model and she knows more about a life well lived than almost anyone.”

I’m not looking back, because we’re not going that way.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MICHAEL HAWLEY, MELISSA PETERMAN, CRIS ROSE, DIEDRICH BADER, DOT MARIE JONES, MARIA BAMFORD AND CATHRYN MICHON IN THE KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN VIDEO FOR MUFFIN TOP: A LOVE STORY

Hey Everyone, the Grrl Genius Blog is BACK!  Not to brag on myself but back in 2007 when I was blogging for iVillage, The Grrl Genius Blog was the number one trafficked blog on iVillage.com, and was named Best of the Web by The Wall Street Journal!  

(Oh wait, that was a brag, oh well, what do you expect from someone who refers to themselves as a genius?  You can't say you weren't warned) 

Anyway having the iVillage Blog meant I got to go on the Today Show and flirt with David Gregory, who was used to covering more important topics than how not to date Mr. Wrong.

Meanwhile, my husband, W. Bruce "Mr. Right" Cameron was very supportive of the whole thing, despite the early morning David Gregory flirting.  

So I loved the blog and the friends I made and the incredible community I had there, and then I had to leave because I'm a member of the Writers Guild of America, and they decided it would be fun to go on strike. (It wasn't) and iVillage is owned by NBC Universal, which meant I couldn't work for them anymore and instead got to walk around in driveways wearing an unattractive t-shirt (Note to self: Elect a woman President of the Writer's Guild so we can have cuter T-shirts next time we go on strike.  Additional note to self: Also, don't go on strike).

But I decided it was time to bring the blog back because I wrote (with Mr. Right) a movie and directed as well, and I want to get the old gang back together to talk about what this movie is about:

Body Image, and how it ruins our lives until we finally get over it. 

The message of this movie is that life is what happens when you are worrying about losing weight.  If you learn to love the skin you are in, your life will get one thousand times better (actual figure!) 

So that's what this blog will be about, knowing that most of us will never get fully over it, that even supermodels feel fat, but that we don't want to let life pass us by while we wait to lose "That Ten Pounds."

I hope you'll stick around for the conversation.  And the occasional piece of cake.  

Thanks!

Cathryn